Happy New Year!

Facebook a few weeks ago did the year in review I think it did last year too. I posted mine thinking it was kind of a weird tribute. I never wanted my cancer to define me. But truly that was naivete. I went on a journey this year I documented it more than any other. And then I was denying it's impact on my life. I was annoyed by the cancer,  by its hold on me. by it's expense.  By what it did to me. The gift that came from it also was hard. My eyes open to the love that I am surrounded by. My heart filled with joy by the people I thought I was background noise in their lives. How is it I touched so many. How do I live up to that?!? It was a great year.  Not because of the cancer,  not even because I survived the cancer.  But because of the insight into my own life it gave me.  The people it showed me. The love. 2015 is my "do it " year and I have a lot to do! Happy New Year!

Pain & Drugs

It is still weird to me even being my 4th surgery this year ... each one is different but it rolls out the same. Drug induced sleep so I can heal. Waking aggregation on what I can't do which spills out as bitchy... tomorrow will be better...

And that's a wrap!

Yesterday was my surgery...  laparoscopic bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy ( I had my ovaries and fallopian tubes removed) I inserted a picture
... so first of all I told all of them (and after 3 surgeries I know) I have bad veins and I have a port(power port is under my skin for easy vein access). That being said it is deep so not as easy as most to get at... I get back to prep tell my nurse,  he looks concerned gets another nurse,  who after several attempts get yet another nurse. During which time the anesthesiologist comes in. He flat hates the idea of the port and (at this point so do I since they still haven't hit it and know how very sore I would be today) and he is sure he can get it in a vein (ya right). I took a total of 9 (count them) 9 attempts including 2 in my foot. Because apparently the IV team doesn't go out to day surgery area! So that sucked... I got there early got in early but because the pre-op doctor & anesthesiologist did not listen! I was late getting into surgery. .. yesterday was a bad day after surgery (I seem to be not as out of it now) I cried all of the way home from the pain and being disorientated... still not right in my head and now still very tired...glad I have off until the 11th. ... it should get better everyday!

Moments of weakness

Occasionally, my brain goes places it shouldn't... so last night reading about this drug Arimidex that I will be taking apparently for the next 5 years ... and this is some of what I read. ...

Call your doctor at once if you have a serious side effect such as:
sudden numbness or weakness, especially on one side of the body;
sudden severe headache, confusion, problems with vision, speech, or balance;
a bone fracture;
swollen glands;
feeling short of breath;
nausea, upper stomach pain, itching, loss of appetite, dark urine, clay-colored stools, jaundice (yellowing of the skin or eyes);
swelling in your hands or feet; or
severe skin reaction -- fever, sore throat, swelling in your face or tongue, burning in your eyes, skin pain, followed by a red or purple skin rash that spreads (especially in the face or upper body) and causes blistering and peeling.
Less serious side effects may include:
numbness, tingling, cold feeling, or weakness in your hand or wrist;
problems with your fingers while gripping;
hot flashes;
joint pain or stiffness;
depression, mood changes, sleep problems (insomnia);
cough, sore throat;
thinning hair;
mild nausea, vomiting; or
back pain, bone pain.
This is not a complete list of side effects and others may occur.

I started to cry... I am not sure how to explain. I am looking forward to being past the cancer... reading about this drug made me dispare ... I will overcome I am just not sure how yet. I need to get past this surgery. Then I start the Arimidex I will no more then so I shouldn't worry now... it will get better!

Merry merry and Happy happy! !!

So I started cooking at 9:30 this morning. .. the last thing came out at 4pm!  My show comes on at 8 pm and I am having a hard time keeping my eyes open! ... I hope I can stay awake!
P.S. it wasn't on...oh well

Sleep is an illusive beast...

Night pain seems to be what ever plagues me. My shoulder/neck since there seems to be different opinions on this subject!  Honestly I don't care I just want it gone! I am tired! I need rest!  And I have to be at the doctors in 6&1/2 hours and at work in 9 hours. I should have medicated earlier (I just really am trying to stop that) but it seems after long work days the night pain is worse. .. tomorrow I will hopefully get some good answers. .. going to try and sleep hoping the meds will kick in soon. ..

Here comes the hair!

So my hair is coming back with a vengeance!  I am pretty sure it is going to be curly :)

Productive Day and a Plan!

I was going all day! 9:30am until well really now!  I had a meeting in the morning, lunch with colleagues (so nice to share time with like minded), 2 supply houses and doctors appointment with the surgeon (nearly an hour late!) Lots of questions answered. Then pic up my pups and off to sherwood, swung by the store for dog food and such. Finally mom's is get birthday!  But she has a procedure tomorrow so no food! We did lots of little things that need to get done and I have to make sure she is up at 4:30am! Oh and 2nd day doing pt which seems to be helping. .. everything will be fine!

Do I deserve to feel so good??? Or hello Lois!

It really is like every day I am more myself... like it am literally coming out!  Having said that it sucks to not have the stamina I did just 9 short months ago. What I have is after the next surgery is no more obstacles! I am going to start training. Maybe a half marathon or I don't know but that seems like a concrete goal. And I have signed up for a serger class after 30 years of sewing I am taking my first real class! Plans! That is something this year was all about getting through to the other side of cancer.  Next year will be all about getting my life back and accomplishing things I have always said I would do when I had a "chance" ...I just realized it is not "chance" or intent ... it is just doing!  2 years ago was my year of "Why Not!?!" 2015 is the year of "Do IT"

It's my Friday! !!

So just got done with my first super busy pre Christmas week and I feel pretty darn good! Go home do a little cleaning maybe hot tub ... down side my breast is healing aka hurting. ..I really wish it would finish that because it is aggravating! But overall can't complain! 

Busy weekend!

So right off, I got all my shopping done!  Went on a mini hike up Mt Tabor with my boys (dogs).I made it 1/2 mile so not great ,but not bad I think because of the grade. And since it is off leash the boys love it!

Am I getting up?

Okay not the best of starts. .. I had a lot of pain last night,  I wasn't able to get to sleep until after 5am so here it is 12:30pm and I am just waking up! I am thinking of going swimming...I need to make a couple of phone calls...but my bed is toasty warm, my dogs are curled up around me and the rain is beating on the window outside. .. all very compelling reasons for staying right where I am! !!

getting through to get on with my life!

I am not at all sure about this. .. blogging hmmm... I have just finished treatment of breast cancer and in a few weeks have surgery to have my ovaries out then starts 2015!!! And my life after cancer...

So here is my theory. Blogging during treatment was kinda therapy...documenting my journey... this will (hopefully) help me stay on track to my path to good health! !! Both physically and mentally. .. so this is a crazy month,  then surgery, recovery and then I start my road! I will post this month but mostly just my personal crazy... 

You don't even know how much I am looking forward to my new year!!!